Sunday, September 20, 2009

My Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Kramer: It's a write off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I Don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Jerry: I wish I could have the last 20 seconds of my life back.

Kramer: At Brandt-Lealand, I'm gettin' things done.
Jerry: How much are they paying you?
Kramer: Oh no no no, I don't want any money, I'm doin' this just for me.
Jerry: Clearly... so, uh, what do you do down there all day?
Kramer: T.C.B. You know, takin' care of business. Well, I gotta go... ah, can't forget my briefcase.
Jerry: What have you got in there?
Kramer: Crackers.

Elaine: I don't have a fax machine.
Kramer: You might. There's tons of stuff in my apartment I don't even know about.
Elaine: Then maybe you have a fax machine.
Kramer: You just blew my mind.

Jerry: If I have to sit next to Uncle Leo, I am leaving. He's always grabbin' my arm when he talks to me. That's probably because so many people have left in the middle of his conversation.

Agent: Unfortunately we ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Agent: I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do. If you did, I'd have a car. See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

Jerry: Why don't you just get lost?
Man: Why don't you get lost?!
Jerry: Because I was standing here, that's why!
Man: Oh yeah?!
Jerry: Yeah!
(The man walks away)
Jerry: I kinda like this opera crowd. I feel tough. Anybody else got a problem?

Jerry: Looking at a cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

Elaine: You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.

George: I'm at the health club; and while I'm in the pool, some guy walks off with my glasses. Who steals prescription glasses?
Elaine: You don't have an old pair?
George: I broke 'em playing basketball.
Jerry: He was running from a bee.

George: A guy leaves a puddle of sweat, that's a signal?
Elaine: Yeah, it's a social thing.
George: What if he left you a used Kleenex? What's that, a valentine?

Jerry Seinfeld: "And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife''s an amazing way to begin a sentence."

"Every woman on the face of the earth has complete control of my life. And yet, I want them all. Is that irony?"
- George, in "The Baby Shower"

"I relate to George through you. We're more like friends-in-law."
- Elaine, to Jerry, in "The Dog"

More to come...:-)

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